The Duty of Lucky Parents

Some nights ago, I walked past a homeless woman, sitting on the dirty sidewalk, gently holding her young boy in her arms. Both had a faraway look, like they were waiting – for nothing.

I couldn't bear to see the boy's look. I had just become a father 10 weeks back, and it seems every time see another young boy, I wonder what if my son would have been in his place. But even more unbearable for me was the look of the mother. I know that look, because I have had that faraway look myself, even during the first days when I held my own newborn son, similar to how she held her boy.

That faraway look was worry for my child. It would seem extremely silly to compare my worries to hers. My worries:  Would I be able to provide for my son the comforts and the education we aspire for him... Would I be able to provide him the time and wisdom to raise him to be a proper man... Would he be allergic to the pets...  Her worries, probably a lot more basic: maybe where she would find the next meal or two for her son, maybe basic medical care, and maybe distantly, a rudimentary education for her boy.

Hey, there's nothing wrong for parents to worry. Every parent knows that worry is just an inseparable part of parenthood. Regardless of our status in life, we worry – about our child's health, academics, career, social standing... However, for most of us who are parents able to read this blog post, we are almost assured that our children will eat three decent meals a day, receive a decent education, and proper health care. That doesn't stop us worrying – “How can I help him/her excel in academics?”, “Will we able to afford the best schools?”, “How do I help him/her choose and succeed in a career?” Worrying about our children is built into our DNA.

About two months ago, I watched on the news the heart-wrenching story of a father who stole the body of his two-year-old son from a hospital morgue, because he was worried that he wouldn't be able to pay the medical costs of the hospital and get his son out. He then waited all night outside of a charitable institution, hoping that in the morning the institution would give his son a proper burial. TV crews started to gather around him. He continued to tenderly embrace his son as any loving father would, occasionally planting a kiss, as tears fell continuously from his eyes. And then, that same faraway look of worry in his eyes. Even then, this parent continued to worry for his son, even if it was just to be able to provide for a decent burial. Fortunately a government agency learned about his story and committed to covering the cost of his sons burial.

I'm not trying to make us feel silly for worrying about our kids. It's just that when we worry, maybe we should also remind ourselves that we're the lucky parents. It's fine to aspire that your kid gets a scholarship to a top university, but we should also take comfort that even if he or she doesn't, your child will be blessed with a good education and plenty of opportunities in life.

But other than just counting our blessings, I think we lucky parents have some sort of a duty. How can we be of help to less-fortunate parents, and their children? Ok, I know we already have our hands full raising our own kids and juggling our careers at the same time, but maybe our very act of parenthood is a way to help others.

Beyond aspiring for our children career success, we of course want our children to be happy. Career achievements and money won't do that. Happiness comes from helping others. It will be the greatest blessing to our own children, if we raise them to be people who aspire to help others. And in the process of raising people who will help others, we will be blessing those less-fortunate children, and providing an answer to the worries of their parents.

So how do we raise our children to be people who help others? I'm certainly no parenting expert – heck I just started! However, I think we should strive to raise our children to posses three values – Compassion, Discipline, and Courage.

Compassion – It starts with the aspiration, of course. I would like my son to grow up with the desire to help others as the core motivation for his choices in life – what degree to take in college, what career to pursue, which organization to join (or start), or which direction he would lead others.

Discipline – My son will not be able to help others if he does not make himself capable to do so. He should know he has to work hard, acquire skills, and be dependable. He should also refuse to take dishonest shortcuts.

Courage – Change will always meet resistance. I hope that if my son sees that he needs to change a system that is keeping people at a disadvantage, that he is never discouraged by those that would stand in his way to maintain the status quo. I also hope that he will be willing to give up comfort or security, in pursuit of the changes he thinks need to be done.

Parenthood is certainly daunting – I am suddenly responsible for the happiness of another person, and I must guide him and provide for him for many years to come. The scale of human suffering in this world is daunting – I derive less enjoyment of the comforts I have in life when I know that so many people literally so near to me have serious, urgent problems that need to be addressed.

I feel blessed that in some small way, through my business and in other ways, I am able to be of help to others. I also feel blessed with the realization that if I can raise my son to be a person who helps others, I will be able to fulfill my goal of raising a person who is happy, and be of help to others at the same time.

Maybe if all of us who are lucky parents – who can provide our children with resources, time and guidance – aim to instill in our children compassion, discipline and courage, maybe we will raise enough leaders so that things start to change in the world. Perhaps with every succeeding generation, more and more people can count themselves as lucky parents, raising generations of leaders, solving the world's difficult and daunting problems, with each generation making the world a much better place.